And… Scene. Wrapping Up Some Feelings.

 Sorry guys, it's going to be a long one...

         Nothing in the word compares to the 6 days that were spent at Escuela Especial. This experience exceeded all expectations. So much time and effort was put into accomplishing what yesterday might have seemed impossible. At the end of the day, all of the blood, sweat, and tears shed were definitely worth it.

         I came into this trip knowing exactly what I was going to do. You can never be too prepared, but I learned sign and had some lesson plans ready. I knew what I was going to do, but one of my biggest fears was not knowing how to do it; It's a whole different story when dealing with children who are disabled. After the first 5 minutes in the classroom with the kids, that fear was immediately replaced with other emotions that were more thoroughly developed later on in the experience.

         One of the first emotions I felt was hope. I was hopeful that at least for a couple of days, these kids would receive the love and attention they desperately need and deserve. Overall, I just wanted them to be happy. Even if it was just for the time we were there.

         Throughout the trip, the hope was always present, but there were also some unexpected, darker emotions that came up. These emotions were anger, frustration, and sadness. Emotions like these were evoked by my experience with Joulisa and Marlin. Joulisa is 24. She has Cerebral Palsy, and a very ignorant mom. Marlin is 26. She was completely normal until the age of 14, and has been living in hell ever since her bones started deteriorating. We believe that it's Parkinson's disease, but she is completely undiagnosed. Her mom hasn't bothered to take her to the doctor, and she uses a hill that she supposedly can't get Marlin down from as her excuse. I've been to her home. I managed to get her down with a little help, so it is definitely not impossible. The one thing Marlin and Joulisa have in common, is a mom who couldn't possibly care less. That is where the anger comes to play. It's not fair that these girls get treated worse than animals in their own homes, by their own parents. I can't even begin to understand how these moms live with themselves and go on throughout their days as if nothing is wrong.

         On the last day at the school, we had a party in honor of all the wonderful children we had the pleasure to meet. All of the kids we met on the home visits were invited as well, and I had the opportunity to go pick up the ones who had no way of getting there. This day was an emotional roller coaster for me. As curious as I am, I asked Magali (social services worker) who we were going to pick up. She showed me a list, but Joulisa wasn't on it. I asked Magali why and she explained that after Joulisa's home visit, Joulisa's mom told her that she was definitely not taking Joulisa to the party. I was enraged. Actually, I don't quite know how I was feeling. This lady was given a full ride. She had the chance to take Joulisa out for the first time in god knows how long, where she would be fed and well taken care of, and she wasn't going to take it. I made it my mission to get Joulisa to that party. I asked Magali if we could stop by her house anyway. She said that it probably wouldn't be a good idea, as Joulisa's mom was not too happy after the home visit, but I was determined. After a lot of persuasion, we made it happen. If I hadn't spoken up about Joulisa, she probably wouldn’t have been fed for the day. I definitely felt a sense of accomplishment, but there was also a wave of frustration that came a long with it. At the party, Joulisa started to have a seizure. Her mom spread her arms out to try to hide her from the people around, and she literally yelled at her and told her to stop as if she could control it. 

         At times like these I really wished I didn't speak Spanish. Another fear of mine was hearing things I didn't want to hear; things that would break my heart. Speaking Spanish was an advantage, but it definitely took a toll on me emotionally. It was all part of the experience though. I wouldn't change a thing. Everything I heard and saw, and even had to translate, only opened my eyes and made me appreciate everything I have a million times more. Working with the kids was phenomenal. Every single one of them stole my heart. Being aware of how they are treated at home and still seeing a smile on their faces was surreal, and knowing that in that moment in time, we were the reason behind their smiles, was truly overwhelming. Those kids completely won me over without even trying. There will always be room for them in my heart. Having to say goodbye was terrible, but thinking back and reflecting on everything that we accomplished with them definitely makes the fact that we're not there anymore slightly (not really) less painful. I feel incredibly blessed for this extraordinary opportunity. These trips are something words will never be enough to completely capture.

This is what I like to do. This is what makes me happy… 

and this is only the beginning. 

April 9th, 2014

It’s incredible to me how much you can learn and how much your perspective can change within the course of 4 days. Every day spent in Nicaragua so far has been an experience of its own, and I have loved every second of it.

Yesterday, we got the opportunity to visit the family of a child who is blind, Jesus. Jesus and his family live in the most extraordinary conditions imaginable. Along with 15 other relatives, they run a circus. They have about 7 tents set up; 1 big one (where the show happens), and 6 smaller ones… which is where the family of 25 lives. We did not get to meet them all, but we did get to meet a couple of the kids and speak to Juan (Jesus’ dad). He informed us that they have no running water, no electricity, no refrigeration, and that the stove they once had was stolen about 2 weeks ago. It was surreal just to think that people actually live like that. Walking in there was unbearable. The family barely gets by, and on top of their living conditions, their general health is horrible. Jesus needs eye surgery, Juan has diabetes, there is a newborn baby in the house that is barely breathing and all of the children there have stomach worms. I walked out of that house with tears in my eyes and a broken heart.

We had planned to go grocery shopping after the home visit, and that is exactly what we did. There, Lisa Marie had the most heartwarming idea. We put together a cart which consisted of food, everyday cleaning supplies, and a cooler and ice. Then, we went back to the circus and surprised them with the groceries. To us, it was nothing. To them, it meant the world. The expression on their faces compared to how I would react if someone bought me a car. They were incredibly thankful. Juan was speechless. He literally told us that he was physically unable to put into words how much the gesture meant to him. As he was talking, tears started flowing. I too was speechless as to how incredibly grateful they all where. It felt SO satisfying knowing that the family would have yet another meal on the table.

We often forget that it’s the little things in life that go the farthest. Giving and knowing you can’t possibly get anything in return is just an indescribable feeling.

April 7th, 2014

               Two days into the trip and I’m already completely in love. Everything about it so far has been incredible. From cleaning the school to meeting the children, I have loved every second of it.

               Today, we arrived at the school first thing in the morning and anxiously waited for the kids to arrive. I can’t even begin to explain how excited I was to see them.  I was inside one of the classrooms when all of a sudden, the white school van pulled up. The doors opened and a swarm of kids came out. Within 5 seconds we were surrounded. It was a feeling like no other. They approached us like they had known us for years and clung onto on to us like their lives depended on it. I did not get the opportunity to meet all of them because class had begun, but that was by far the greatest thing I have ever experienced.

               Connecting with the kids was easier than expected. Tania is a 15-year-old girl I got the pleasure to meet. She was in the class I taught. In the beginning, she was really shy. I would sign to her but she wouldn’t really respond. By the end of the day we were best friends. I tried really hard getting through to her and it was definitely worth it. She’s really funny and she taught me a lot of new sign I didn’t know. With the short time I spent with her, Tania has already won a special place in my heart. 

               I got the privilege to work in the deaf classroom. It’s a whole different world in there; the kids are wonderful. The classroom consists of 6 kids-3 girls and 3 boys. I went in knowing nothing but the alphabet in sign. I didn’t know what to expect, so naturally, I was pretty nervous. I got over that awkward/shy phase quicker than I expected though. I just went for it without a second though and it went really well. Mirna, the teacher, already had a lesson planned for them so I went off of it, and added some things of my own that I thought would be useful information to the children. I also taught new sign from a sign book and had an awesome time trying to communicate with the kids.

               Being here is such an incredible blessing. Literally every second of every day spent here so far has been amazing. There are absolutely no words to describe how incredibly thankful I am for this opportunity.